Mick Spreader would like to thank David Sutton for the free publicity for this site. Come again!

MAGIC MARTIN

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Muckspreading is proud to announce a wonderful technological breakthrough in the field of digital photography. It’s the “Magic Martin”!

This handy little gadget looks just like an ordinary memory card, but slip it into your camera and Hey Presto! No matter what photo you take there will be Martin Salter in the middle of it.

Absolutely no effort on your part (or his) but all the publicity shots that a snapper will ever need.

As Used By The Evening Post and Reading Chronicle

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First 100 buyers will also receive the Action Anneliese free of charge. Whether you are photographing a Pakistani Community event, an Inter-Faith Group meeting or a walkabout by a Government Minister, take your Action Anneliese along and keep her in the frame.

Unemployment in Reading has reached an all time high after years of zero unemployment. With more jobs available from Job Center Plus than there are claimants, employment prospects in Reading were amongst the best in the country, but not now new figures reveal.

The international credit crunch has caused many firms to start tightening their belts. One company specialising in community consultation and political liaison told us: "Unfortunately with the down turn in the property market we are afraid to say that there are only so many Senior Account Managers needed in a volatile market place, so we've had to let our newest recruit go. I don't think he'll be out of work for long, I'm sure there are other organisations out there who require the services of a senior bullshiter."

Reading's official unemployment total for April now stands at 1.

There was embarrassment when the Home Affairs Select Committee visited Reading in a last ditch effort to save the bacon of, er, to gather evidence for policing for the 21st Century.

The meeting at the Town Hall was originally planned to finish with a publicity stunt with the committee presenting Martin Salter a cake to mark his birthday, which it wasn't. Unfortunately the PR exercise ahead of the local elections had to be cancelled as, despite the large numbers of police in attendance, the cake had mysteriously gone missing.

The Mayor of Reading Chris Maskell was unavailable for comment.

Developers around Reading have been flooding the council with requests for tree preservation orders. Following the felling of trees on the site of the old Battle Hospital and a mature oak on the Green Road site to make way for a parking space, it appears that Tree Preservation Orders (TPO) are not worth the paper they are written on.

Rik Willis, the new spokesman for A local development consultancy Green Issues, told us: "These tree preservation orders are great. Time and time again all the evidence shows that all you have to do is apply for one and soon after full planning consent will be given by Reading Borough Council - and even if they don't you can chop the tree down anyway. I can assure people that the whole process is 100% eco-friendly. The trees are turned into wood pulp and used to make the paper for yet more Tree Preservation Orders."

A row over treating has broken out in Reading East after an event at the local Pakistani Community Association was referred to the police. New guidelines have now been issued to candidates by the election monitoring officer to avoid confusion.

His advice on correct behaviour with a potential voter reads: "Offering to pour a cuppa does not count as treating and asking a constituent whether they would like one lump or two is perfectly allowable. I would caution about asking whether they would like a hob-nob with that as that is open to interpretation. Offering prime real estate for a pound seems to be okay. However, it should be emphasised that election law is not there as an excuse for candidates to dodge their round."

David Sutton called in a favour when he invited the Home Secretary Jacqui Smith to visit Reading. Mr Sutton said: "I was a bit worried about visiting Mr. Cod in Oxford Road for supper when I remembered the Home Secretary's problems getting a tea time kebab. Martin gave her a call and Jacqui immediately offered to lend me her police protection officers for the day. She knows just how dangerous it is for politicians to be out during the day without a police escort and press officer in tow.

"I was pleasantly surprised by the change to the area? You no longer need a bullet proof vest here, a stab proof one will do... although I think Jo Lovelock should have asked for a larger size. I'm especially grateful to Chris Maskell for disregarding his promise not to get involved in party politics whilst Mayor. It's always comforting to know that there is someone willing to take a bullet for you. And thank goodness the police seem to have forgotten all about not taking part in political stunts in the run up to an election."

Professor Tom Cannon, football finance expert at the University of Buckingham, believes chairman John Madejski has 'set the club up solidly', but he cautions that running 'a very tight ship' may relegate the Royals and see Madejski suffer financially.

After a 2-0 defeat at the hands of Arsenal, Reading are one of five clubs staring relegation in the face, but the Royals boss has rejected crictism of the club's lack of spending on new players. He told us: "I think you'll find that I gave Steve Coppell the full fee that we received for Sidwell to spend on his replacement."

Ricky Gervais is planning to write a comedy which he hopes will do for Reading what The Office did for Slough. He announced his plans to write the comedy "The Men At The Pru" with Stephen Merchant back in February.

He told the Observer: "I was a bit stuck for ideas after Extras and then I started seeing parallels with my life and one of the largest employers in Reading. Like me the Pru can't wait to get its business out of the town. I've moved to North London and the Pru want to move to India. And there will be a rich back story all about building on a flood plain and the hilarious consequences that ensue."

Reading Buses has announced the arrival of new eco-friendly ethanol-hybrid buses within the next two years.

Operations director for Reading Buses Sam Simpson told us: "We're looking to develop sustainable sources for our fuels appropriate to the passenger type. For late night bars, instead of tipping their dregs down the sink we'll collect them and use it to get their customers home so we can absolutely guarantee an alcohol fuelled night out in Reading. We're also thinking of getting some methane powered buses for the student routes serving the rugby society."

Availability is not seen as being a problem as fuel supplies can be accessed round the clock from the 24 hour Murco off-licence in London Road.

Voters in Reading have been invited to play hunt the Tory manifesto after suggestions that there was in fact one of the mythical artefacts knocking around somewhere. Rumours began to circulate when Richard Willis wrote on a political web site that the Tories had indeed published one. This has lead to a frenzy as archaeologists and scholars digging around in an attempt to discover it first. So far a few bullet points and a page in Urdu are all that have been uncovered.

However, other experts have poured cold water on suggestions that the message board item had been typed by the Tory fly boy. "There wasn't any praise for dead racists or south American dictators so the chances of it being written by him are remote."

The annual Sleep Out event organised by the Reading Single Homeless Project will once again be taking place at the Madejski Stadium. Tesco has generously agreed to donate the cardboard boxes rather than pay £1bn in taxes on profits from the sale of UK properties.

Volunteers are required to marshall the event and ensure that participants are lying flat on the ground or like the real homeless if they prop themselves up in a sitting position they won't count as having taken part. Marshalls are also needed to monitor anyone trying to avoid the cold by deliberately committing petty offences to get a night in a warm cell.

Reading footballers have pledged their support to the event as they are as close to being down and out as you would ever want to get.

Rik Willis has attacked two Lib Dems for claiming that they do more constituency work than all the Tory Councillors combined. He told us: "Many more experienced Councillors report items directly to the relevant Council Officer's concerned for action by way of rolled-up trouser leg and a dodgy handshake. Such cases would not therefore be logged on the system which the Lib Dems used to create their press release. And if that doesn't work we have another method of ensuring that casework is credited to the Conservative Party without resorting to using the ACOLAID system. We let other people lobby the council to put in duck crossings, then we jump in at the last minute with a press release and take the credit for it. It's far more efficient than actually doing any work."

After the stabbing of a traffic attendant in Reading, Union officials are urging council chiefs to provide better protection for their members.

UNISON officials told us: "It's getting far too dangerous out there, why even the police want knife detectors before they will go out on the streets. Stab proof vests, metal detectors, body armour, armoured personnel carriers, Glock 9mm semi-automatics and police escorts are the bare minimum before we should allow our members out in Reading to enforce the council's parking policies. Admittedly the council only makes £72,000 per year out of parking fines with NCP trousering the rest, but this £2m expenditure is a small price to pay for essential safety equipment."

Reading’s Territorial Army troops have been invited to march through the streets of the town to a sticky bun and cakes reception being held by the Mayor after returning from a tour of Afghanistan. However, other members of the uniformed services have demanded parity.

A member of the the Thames Duck and Swan patrol told us: "I think we deserve recognition for the often dangerous and difficult jobs we perform out there. It can be just as dangerous working with swans as with drugs overlords and the Taleban. One of them nearly broke my arm."

Other heroes due for recognition with a parade through the town are the Civil Parking Enforcers for their bravery in the face of bitter opposition and their contribution to the council's coffers.

An unloved building abandoned by its owners for more than 15 years has become a haven for squatters and the homeless.

One local resident told us: "It's an eyesore and it needs redevelopment. The building is potentially extremely valuable and would lend itself to an attractive 20 storey development of yuppie rabbit hutches in keeping with the rest of the town centre."

A spokesman for the council repsonded to the criticism saying: "It's true that the Civic Centre is used by the homeless, but that's because it's where we handle housing benefit claims."

All leave has been cancelled in the Reading Borough Council press department in the run up to the local elections. With the pre-election period the most sensitive time for announcements, news of £47m on schools, £1m on play facilities and £160,000 for tennis courts comes as welcome news to beleagured councillors looking to be re-elected on a tight pre-election expenses budget.

Despite Local Government Information Unit advice that members standing for election should not be quoted on press releases, Reading Borough council says it has no current plans to stop funding campaigns via the council tax.

There is surprising news from our west of Reading correspondent who reports that Pete Doherty has not been seen in the area for over 4 hours. The Babyshambles star has not been seen recently visiting guitar shops and public houses along the length of Oxford Road. He even managed to not pop into the new Battle Tesco to pick up a bottle of Premier Cru.

Greg Costello the owner of the Workhouse Coffee shop told us: "Yesterday at 5pm, I can tell you that Pete Doherty didn't come in for a cup of skinny latte. I was extremely surprised because he normally doesn't come in for a coffee at 4pm."

A spokesman for the former beau of supermodel Kate Moss says that he is taking a break from visiting Reading because he has been 'banged up', obviously a Rock'n'Roll euphemism for being back on the hard drugs again. We will keep you POSTed.

New data from the Ministry of Justice shows nearly half a million extra people in the UK have signed up for May's elections. Elections Minister Bridget Prentice said: "We need as comprehensive an electoral register as possible so that we can sent them off to third party credit reference agencies to see whether voters are trying to dodge their council tax, er, I mean so that everyone is able to have their say."

Figures show that an extra 463,340 went on the register in 2007; 234,753 in Reading's Redlands ward alone.

Reading Borough Council has beefed up its anti-graffiti programme after naughty taggers ignored the 1m² free clean up rule in force across the borough. Despite catching several high profile taggers, graffiti continues to appear across Reading and the council has now decided to get tough.

One Streetcare manager told us: "We have no option really. Health and safety won't allow us to scale the tower block outside the station to clean it up, so we're going to have to demolish it. It's the only way to safely remove it and John Madejski has kindly agreed to sponsor the programme."

Developers across Reading have welcomed the new policy and the King's Meadow baths have been scheduled for work on a new marina priority graffiti removal.

A bee keeper has hit out at Reading Borough Council after his precious apiary was attacked by a masked woodpecker.

Mr. McHoneyCombe told our reporter: "I blame it all on the council. You can tell by the number of teenage pregnancies in Reading that they have not been teaching the birds and the bees." He droned on: "This bird clearly doesn't know how to beehive itself. Whoever would have thought that an insectivorous bird would help itself to a free lunch?"

Next week we'll bring you the exclusive story about whether the Pope poops in the woods and the answer to another burning question by asking whether bears are Catholic.

It's been a remarkable day as so far no local politicians have been accused of wrong doing, favouring minority groups, racist apologies, extra-marital affairs, sexual misconduct or failure to report serious criminal activities.

One shocked resident told us: "I can't believe it. Whatever happened to democracy? No wonder people feel disinclined to vote if local politicians can't be bothered to engage in the political process."

Full coverage of nothing much happening will be brought to you thoughout the day by your local media outlets.

There were sensational scenes at the last full council meeting before the elections when party members accused and party ward candidate of . The full sordid allegations were provided in a written answer and the debate became acrimonious when accused the of harbouring a . To cries of shame defended and told the member to withdraw his remarks. Disgusted by events several walked out but refused to join them instead preferring to stay to enjoy the lurid allegations.

muckspReading is unable to bring you the full story because of self-imposed restrictions during the pre-election period. However as reporting of events in the council chamber is protected by qualified privilege you can read the full word by word story in the Evening Post whilst the Reading Chronicle will have a pull out supplement detailing the background to these extraordinary events. On the other hand they'll both probably chicken out of reporting because they're not sure which side their bread is buttered on yet.

Rikrolling: it's the craze that's been sweeping the internet. In a RikRoll, a person provides a link they claim is relevant to the topic at hand which actually takes the user to a Rik Willis video. A typical example is a Guardian media article on Zimbabwe's elections with a link to a background story on former white despot Ian Smith. Readers clicking on the link are instead taken to a web site with a video of Rik Willis singing 'Never Gonna Give You Up' to the dead racist ruler.

An estimated 13 people have been tricked into visiting Rik Willis's web site in this way since the BBC revealed the phenomenom on April 1st.

Sorry it's gone! You should have got here before 1200!