Scottish and Newcastle has announced plans to close its Reading brewery after their recent take over by Heineken. The brewery was the first green brewery operation when it opened in 1978 to recycle lager from the town's urinals into Fosters and Kronenberg 1664.

A spokeman for Scottish and Newcastle told us: "Really it's not about cost cutting, it's about security of supply for our raw materials. We've heard about the council's plans to clamp down on street drinking across the town and we think that they are taking the piss. Demand for hiring out the place has also slumped. We did ask the council if they'd like to hold Tricia Haines' leaving party here but the council told us that they didn't know how to organise a piss-up in a brewery and would not be taking up our offer."